When I started The Directing Breakdown, I had only one short film writing workshop under my belt, Kashif’s Writing Dope Shorts, and zero experience directing.
Directing is something I always had respect for, and when it came to my favorite movies, I always loved watching interviews and breakdowns with directors to see how they approached the work. It is fascinating to see how their brains work and how the little details add to the bigger picture. However, as an actor, directing wasn’t something I saw myself doing. It was just a fun look into the magic of movie-making.
After Writing Dope Shorts, I couldn’t help but look at my script, Day Terrors, and wonder what it would be like to direct it. It was a story that came from a personal place, with characters named after actual people I’ve worked with. So, when The Directing Breakdown came around, I knew I had to apply. And I got in.
Initially, I was worried about the director’s prep, the terminology, and my lack of knowledge when it came to cameras, lenses, setups, etc. My worries faded soon into the first few sessions. Watching films and analyzing what we see on screen was incredibly insightful. We started by asking what we feel when we see a certain scene from a particular angle, the pacing of a sequence, the editing. It all helped me look at movies from a different lens (no pun intended). I was eager to jump into directing.
We were required to start with a directing exercise. For my very first experience directing, I chose to film a scene from the movie Aftersun. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle collectibles stood in for the actors. I set up filming in my living room.
By far, the most helpful tool for me was storyboarding. Having the storyboard done took so much pressure off me as a director. It helped me see the whole scene I chose to direct clearly. Storyboarding gave me a chance to explore what I wanted the audience to feel, how I wanted the scene to progress and what I wanted or didn’t want the audience to feel. This exercise was the first moment I felt fully confident as a new director.
Once we graduated to preparing to work on our own original scenes, I had a new fear. I was worried that filming a scene with two characters would feel dull. In my new short called It’s Fine, there’s a scene where Craig, the protagonist, is confronted by his boss, Sergio, after he thinks Craig has been asleep on the job. I was worried about viewers losing their patience. But after talking about it in the workshop, and seeing examples of scenes with two actors that weren’t at all dull, I began to feel more confident.
The final step–directing a scene from my script with actors, a cinematographer, a script supervisor, a camera op, and my directing mentor–was the last hurdle I needed to get over. While I was comfortable working with actors because I am an actor, I was extremely nervous about entering a room and having everyone look to me for answers. I felt an extreme sense of imposter syndrome. I remembered the sessions with our directing mentors, Mehrnoush Alia, Robert Poole, and Karishma Dube, where they told us it’s a very normal thing to feel and even Hollywood directors feel sometimes. For me, I had to essentially step into my actor shoes and play the role of a confident director, and I think I played the part well. Ultimately, I’m very proud of what I filmed.
The Directing Breakdown was an amazing learning experience for me. I look at the person I was at the beginning and the person I am now, and I feel an immense pride in my growth. Having the constant support from workshop leaders, Laurie and Colin, was everything. They understood how it felt to start this journey, and they always knew what to say whenever one of us had doubts or questions. This community at Kashif was something I was looking for years, and it’s a blessing that I stumbled into this family. I have the confidence now as a writer and director that I couldn’t have imagined before becoming involved with Kashif.
I look forward to writing more and directing more ambitious shorts in the future. I no longer feel like directing a full-length film is impossible; now it’s simply a goal to work towards.
